In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
