singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
