in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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