Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
