I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
