I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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