How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
