I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
