Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
