you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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