The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
