i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
