The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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