you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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