She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize