the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
