nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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