Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize