Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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