apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
