No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
