She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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