we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
