I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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