I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
