did you get engaged???
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
