would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
