I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
