I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
