I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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