there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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