i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
