can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
