You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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