We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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