Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
