I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
