Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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