But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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