you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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