i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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