if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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