You just made me feel so damn special
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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