you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So much Jack, so little girl.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
