I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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