3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
