As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
