I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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