Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize