I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
