Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
