Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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