dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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