the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Randomize
