I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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