never play flip cup with pint glasses
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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