That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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