i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
