He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
