Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize