i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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