It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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