Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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