How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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