Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
