is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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