You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
