i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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