it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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